An apology to Williams.

Do you think I have grovelled enough? 


My dearest Williams

I am so, so sorry about the email I sent to you last night. It is unforgivable and I am thoroughly ashamed of myself.

To be honest Williams, I rarely drink. I find that alcohol loosens ones inhibitions far too much and makes you act in a way that is ungodly. Last night has proved this beyond doubt. I just hope and pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my disgraceful behaviour.

It was the Cockin-Mianus Parish Council Christmas party last night. We have all been working very, very hard to make sure the village has the most wonderful and traditional of Christmases. We here in Cockin-Mianus, pride ourselves on the fact that we provide traditional Christmas cheer for all our residents. We plan for months before hand and spend many a long night drawing up plans for the live nativity, the tree and the festive market. People come from all over the country to see what we have on offer as we really do make such an effort. This year we had even managed to get Jim Bowen (host of the super, smashing, great programme Bullseye ) to turn on the lights! That was quite a coup as he rarely leaves the house these days after the incident with Keith Harris and Orville and the speedboat that failed to be won in episode 6 of series 9.(nasty business that was). We were all so proud of what we had achieved Williams.

Like I say, I rarely drink Williams. Yesterday was the anniversary of the death of my beloved Alphonse. Even after all these years it still hurts. I don't think you ever truly get over the death of a loved one. Seeing the local greengrocer Jimmy dressed as Santa, giving children a treat from his bulging sack just brought the memories flooding back. Every year since we moved to Cockin-Mianus, my beautiful Alphonse had played the role of Santa. He truly loved it. Knowing I would never see him again, let alone as Santa, sent me into a spiral of despair. I stared to drink. The wine was free so I took full advantage of it.

Oh Williams! I feel so dreadful this morning. I am ashamed of the email I sent you last night. It is unforgivable. I really hope you can find it in your heart to understand my grief and that this is why I behaved as I did. This whole sorry incident has made me realise that I need to move on. Alphonse is dead and is never coming back. I deserve to be happy once more and I am hoping that you are the man to do that. I see a future as bright as the Cockin-Mianus Christmas lights ahead for us. One full of love, happiness and wealth. I have no one to share my good fortune with, I am alone and lonely. I need you in my life Williams. Please don't let this one unfortunate incident put a stop to our future happiness.

I shall spend the rest of the day in quiet contemplation, praying to the Lord God Almighty to forgive me and show me the way. Williams, if the Lord can forgive me then I hope you can do too. I shall also be giving a sizable monetary donation to a local charity Cockin-Mianus HURTS. HURTS stands for Homeless Under Roofs This Season and aims to provide accommodation for local homeless people over the Christmas season and beyond. I do voluntary work for them and find it most rewarding.

For now my beloved, I beg once more for your forgiveness and pray that you reply to my plea.

Much love always

Your Camille x x x x x x x x x

He's not happy - a reply from Williams.

I don't think Williams is too happy do you? He even uses my full name! I really must be in trouble!


Hello Camille Toe,I've been thinking ,i sent you an email over some days now and you never cared to reply me until last night you got drunk please can you tell me why?

I like bog Willyus - A message to Williams.

It's the time of year for Christmas parties and all the drunken behaviour that goes with them. I hope Willi can translate my drunken ramblings!!


Hi Willi

Do you mind of I clall yuo Willi? It soundss bit rude too me and I loke rudew.

I am drunk. He he he hic hic! I ahve beent o a critsmas party and had a but much to drinkk anad thouht I no I will email myu Willi becose he is sexya nad lovely and i want o marryt him!!!

Do you lovee me Willli? Wee willie winky lol! Do you have a wee Willi winky? I hopee npt becase I like big williis!!  Do you have a bog Willyu willi???!!!

The prarty I have just beeen to was verry gud. Ther was alopt of freeew ine and I drunlked a lot off freewine. Do you loke wine willlie?

I like wine!! he he he he he !!

I was a biyt narty because I drenk lost of wione and danced 0n teh table withe am man dressed loke an  elf.Thren I grabbed Satan by his big sack and shoved my hand inadn grabbed his package.

I thikn I am gping yto be sick so I ma going to go top nbed.

I love my WIllie WILLI WILII WILLI WILLI!!!

All my love from Camliile


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX PS letssssssssssssss do some ruide tinsgs together soom x x x x x

A reply from Willi - Yawn!

So, I pour my heart out to Willi (as he now calls himself) and he never even makes reference to my late husbands untimely death. Charming! I do like the way he randomly tells me his height and hair colour though! Apart from that, it's just more boring drivel. Yawn!

I was very glad when I opened my email to see your mail. It was like life came into my life at that instant. I don’t know why I felt like that but I have wondered why a 47 years old man should be this happy over an email. I have tried to ask myself this question but realized that maybe I have missed something in my life for a very long time and now the thing is coming back. I just pray that this is real and that it last forever.I will also add here that my height is 6'2 and my hair color is black.


I  am  a man that have never had any heartbreak in my life so do not know how it feel and it has been because of this that I have been out of relationship since I lost my wife 5 years ago. I always say that I believe in one man one woman .My problem is that when I love a woman I love her blindly that nothing bad that anybody will tell me about her that will change or alter my love for her. It is because of this that I always protect myself from falling in love and the best way to do it has been to stay out of any form of relationship which I have done for 5 years now. I have finally decided that I should give life to my life again so I registered in the site and the first and only person I wrote was you and fortunately you wrote me back and I was done with the site. I have found you so let me use the energy to make it work if you can let me as I really want a serious relationship.


I was thinking that I will be good to speak with you on phone over the weekend at least to give this email and pictures a voice. I don’t want to be so fast but to me it will help us understand ourselves more and at least hear our voice before we can meet in the near future. If you can give me your contact phone number and the best time to call you during the weekend, I will be very glad or I can give you mine to call me if you wish. I am ready to do it anyhow you decide but if you think it is still early to give your phone number, I will still understand. All that I want is for us to know that we are real and not playing game. I will anxiously expect your response as it give me joy when I see your email in my inbox.


yours

willi

Elbow deep in a Bighead Carp - a reply to Williams.

I simply had to tell Williams that his comments about water speaking to your soul had left me in tears because my beloved husband, Alphonse had died in a (frozen) watery grave. I wonder if he will objcet to my wealth being as the result of ill gotten gains?



Good morning Williams

Many thanks for your wonderful message. Your words speak to me in a way no one else's ever have. You are so poetic and romantic and it makes me very happy. I was slightly upset when I read about how water can speak to your soul. In fact, it made me cry. Please let me explain.

Williams, I was married once upon a time. Yes, it was like a fairy tale, a beautiful one at first but then it sadly morphed into something that the Brothers Grimm would have been proud to have written. Myself and Alphonse (my late husband) met when we were just 16. It was a whirlwind romance, consummated on the back of a number 37 bus to Barnsley after a trip to see his probation officer. 6 months later he proposed to me by hiding an engagement ring in a Greggs sausage roll. I broke a tooth and almost choked but it has to be the most romantic and thoughtful act I have ever experienced.

Anyway, 2 years later we eventually married and set up home together. All was well. I had a job in the local Poundshop and Alphonse was working nights as a security guard. Life was good for us Williams. When I first met Alphonse, he had been in trouble with the police for a few petty crimes, nothing serious really (flashing his bum at the local Mayor during the Xmas lights switch on and being drunk in charge of a horse on a public highway) and to me it didn't matter as I loved him. As well as our jobs, we both pursued our own hobbies, his fishing and mine making miniature guitars out of matchboxes and dental floss. The years passed and sadly we weren't blessed with any children. Maybe this was a good thing as I do tend to find the majority of the irritating little creatures rather vile. I noticed that Alphonse was rather generous with his money, buying me expensive presents and always being the first to buy a round at our local pub The Fadge and Finger. I didn't question it as even though I  had a  niggling worry in the back of my head that something wasn't quite right, I liked being spoiled and the extra money always came in handy for buying more vintage matchboxes.

One cold, December night he set off to work as usual. I had decided to spend the evening attempting to make a ukulele out of an Asda safety matches box whilst listening to the local radio. Later on that evening, a news report came on saying that the local bullion store where Alphonse was the guard had been raided with a vast sum of gold being stolen. I was terrified! What if he had been injured or even worse, killed? I called his phone and he told me not to worry, that he was fine if a little shaken. I was so relieved! He returned home later that night much to my relief.

The next morning he told me he was off fishing and that he had bought me a special present  so I was not to look in the spare room or it would spoil the surprise. Alphonse had recently been experimenting with noodling ( the art of catching fish with your bare hands) but I hoped, as it was so so cold, that he wouldn't be jumping in the river to try and ram his fist down a fishes neck that day. I packed him up with a flask of soup and a wagon wheel and sent him on his way. I toddled off to my job at the Poundshop for a day of stacking Jim'll fix it badge soap on a roaps and Gary Glitter Xmas Bonanza CD's and looked forward to Alphonse giving me my surprise present that evening.

Evening came and no Alphonse! I called his phone but got no reply. This was odd as always answered, even when driving (even the incident with the lollipop man and the small 'bump' into the crowd of children didn't stop him). Time got later and later with no response so I called the local police to report him missing. They said they would have to leave it at least 24 hours before classing him as a missing person and that he would probably turn up drunk at some point (they had picked up him on several occasions for drunk and disorderly in the past). I went to bed and slept fitfully, hoping he would come home soon. Morning came and still no Alphonse. I was just about to call the police again when there was a knock at the door. Two officers stood there, heads bowed and I instantly knew it was bad news. They told me that they had received a call from a member of the public who had spotted something just under the surface of the now frozen  river where Alphonse had been fishing. On further investigation they found my beloved Alphonse, frozen, elbow deep in a large Bighead Carp (which in itself was odd as they are native to China), staring up from the frozen river like Ötzi The Iceman. He was dead.

His body couldn't be removed for several days as the weather took a turn for the worse and the ice became impossible to break. When he was eventually recovered, the kind police gave me the fish which I now have stuffed and mounted on the wall in my living room as a final tribute to my darling Alphonse.

I had almost forgotten about my surprise present lurking in the spare room and came across it whilst looking for my spare supplies of dental floss some weeks later. Under the bed was a large black hold all, heavy in weight. I dragged it out, opened it, and to my surprise, found it was full off stolen gold bullion. My darling Alphonse had been robbing the people he was working for, hence the extra cash he had been splashing around. I know I should have reported this to the police but he was dead so there was not a lot they could do now was there? I felt like he was looking down over me from heaven saying to me "Camille my darling, use the money to make your life better." I got down on my knees and prayed and the Lord God sent me a message saying "Camille, sell the gold on the black market and use the money to be happy. " So I did! I got a good price for it and set myself up in business.

I do so miss my darling Alphonse but the wealth and happiness his misdemeanour has brought me is immense. I am now ready to move on with my life and share my love and good fortune with a special person. I wonder Williams, could that be you?

Much love

Camille x x x x

He will interpret the water for me - a reply from Williams.

Williams was quick off the mark replying to me. I have only just noticed that his email is Moore Willi! Is it just me that finds that amusing?!! Anyway,  this time he promises to interpret the water for me as it can speak to your soul don't you know?! He also sent me some photos which I assume are of him and his 'daughter'.

Thanks for the lovely email.I was very happy after reading your email. You write long emails like me and I know from experience that people that write long emails pours out the content of the heart. I guess you had a lovely night? Time shall come when you shall not be sleeping alone any longer; pray that you permit that. I really can’t wait to always be the one to smile at your beautiful face when you wake up in the morning. Life is really boring without a partner. I know that from my experience over the past 5 years. i am sorry over what you had to go through i was really worried when i couldnt her from you and i was thinking maybe you've given up on me but thank God you wrote me..your dad and your mum is in the bossom of God right now so you have a reason to be happy ok.


I have come to realize that even with my savings and success at work. I still miss something in my life. I would be the happiest man in the planet earth to be happy again, I actually took the Diamond bond portfolio managers job when my wife died. I thought my life was finished. But at long run I started feeling for myself and registered on the site. Thank God that I did because it gave me the opportunity to meet you. I told myself the moment I got your mail that I do not need the site anymore for I have found what I seek.


I think at this stage, should tell you more about me so that you will know me better. One of the things that make me feel so happy is to visit the beach. I love to watch the sun set and play many games at the beach side. I love to Para-sail and other activities in the beach. Do you know that water can speak to a soul? I will interpret it for you when we go to the beach together


I was born in, Palermo, Italy but came back to the US with my parents at the age of 6.I left united State at the age of 16 to attend school in Hamburg Germany. I lived in Germany for 6 years before relocating to Robert Gordon University Aberdeen Scotland where I had my Masters. My long stay abroad makes people to say I have German accent. This is all I can remember now that I have not told you but as long as I remember anything about me and yes i do eat fish.lol
i thank God you are back home so we can now chat and communicate everyday I'm so happy


I feel very young both physically and mentally. I understand we have both had some good and worst experiences in our previous relationship but we should try to let the past go and focus on the future. I hope we can always talk on phone and cherish each other forever. . I want you to take my heart and treat it as if it's mine. I promise to always put smiles on your beautiful face.I can speak with you anytime you wish or you can give me yours to call you.My number is *4*-*0*-0*5*. I wish you a splendid new week  .


yours sincerely

Chavs killed my parents - a reply to Williams.

I hadn't replied to Williams last message, his lovely cut and paste prayer so I thought it was about time I did! I do hope he will be sympathetic to the loss of my parents in such a tragic way.


Good Morning Williams

Firstly I wish to apologise for the lack of reply to your emails. I have been away on business and there were huge problems with the Internet connection where I was staying. I was on a small island called Lesbania which was struck by a severe weather front which brought down several power cables. We had terrible flooding which meant that most of the native Lesbanians ended up very moist. The nether regions of Lesbania were gushing with fluids brought down by the (weather) activity. We were confined to our hotel and the food supplies rapidly began to run out. I had several offers from native Lesbanians to have a munch on their muff (a local fish based dish) but I am allergic to fish so sadly had to decline. It was a trying time Williams but my faith helped me through.

Anyway, I am now back home, warm and dry and ready to chat to you once more.

You sound an experienced and interesting man I must say. You job sounds quite powerful and responsible. I do like a powerful, strong man. I find them most attractive.

So Williams, do you have a big family? Children, siblings, and parents? Sadly, I am all alone in the world. My parents died many years ago in a tragic accident. They were out walking in the Lake District on a holiday. My father was always one to make sure they took plenty of supplies when out walking so they didn't get hungry or thirsty in the unlikely event that they ever got stranded or had an accident whilst out walking. They were having a lovely stroll along a rather precarious cliff edge when my father spotted a small baby bird stranded on a rock below. He was a sucker for baby animals and insisted that he could climb down safely and reach it. He carefully negotiated his way down the rocks and was just about to take charge of the baby bird when a large dark shadow loomed above. He looked up to see a vast flock of birds getting closer and closer. One can only imagine that they were relatives of the baby who had come back to it.

For a while they merely circled around in the sky above, in a pretty and non threatening manner. My father manged to pick up the baby bird, wrap it in some of the nearby foliage and place it safely inside his back pack. As he started back on his way up the rocks, the swarm of birds suddenly swooped down towards him in a thoroughly alarming manner. According to some passers by, it looked like some kind of bizarre, avian tornado as they flapped and circled him in a menacing and wholly determined way. They must have been able to smell the baby bird as they began to peck furiously at his back pack. He did his very best to fight them off but the attack became more intense and sustained. At this point, my mother began the climb down to try and assist him in fighting off the birds. She reached him with little difficulty but the birds must have smelled the egg mayonnaise sandwiches in her bag and mistaking them for their own eggs, proceeded to attack her too. It was mass flurry of feathers and beaks and my father lost his balance. My mother reached to grab him but the weight of his amply filled back pack proved too much and he toppled backwards, dragging my mother with him. It was quite a fall, one that their simple, flightless bodies could not take. They were found at the bottom of the cliff amongst a fragrant mass of egg sandwiches, apple juice and Kendal mint cake. Sadly, the baby bird was squashed almost beyond recognition but experts from the RSBP are almost certain it was a rather rare Northern lesser spotted Chavfinch. The parent birds of Chavs (as the RSPB call them) are prone to fight first, ask questions later type of behaviour and will often be seen ganging up on lone animals in the pursuit to protect their own.

It still saddens me to this day that my parents are gone but at least I can sleep easy knowing they died trying to help a Chav find a better life.

Williams, I really must get on now as I have a busy day scheduled. Places to go, people to see my dear! I do hope we can chat again soon and that you can understand and forgive my lack of contact over the last week. I really look forward to getting to know you better.

Fond wishes

Camille x x x

PS, Do you like to eat fish?

A cut and paste prayer - From Williams

So Williams now has the 'S' back on the end of his name. Maybe he just lost it in translation last time. He hasn't heard back from me yet so he sent me this wonderful cut and paste prayer. Aren't I just so lucky eh?

 

 

Hello beautiful Camille

 I said a prayer for you today and know God must have heard. I felt the answer in my heart although He spoke no word! I didn't ask for wealth or fame. (I knew you wouldn't mind.) I asked Him to send treasures of a far more lasting kind! I asked that He'd be near you at the start of each new day. To grant you health and blessings and friends to share your way! I asked for happiness for you in all things great and small. But it was for His loving care I prayed the most of all!...

i am dressed for church and about to leave now so i decided to write you..im still waiting for the reply of my last email

i hope to get it today..

have a great day cutie

Sincerely

Williams

A change of name and career.

This is Williams' first email away from the dating site. He has dropped the 'S' from the end of his name and become plain old William. He has also had a rather dramatic career change! He was a meachanical engineer for Nissan and is now a Fund Manager, trained by the great Robert Kiyosaki! And surprise surprise, his wife is dead (but she never regretted meeting him!)


I want to thank you for your email which I am very happy to read. I know you will find me interesting to be with when this relationship develops as I have seen that we are seeking the same thing in life. Words can’t express how excited I feel right now.


I am a God fearing, affectionate, outgoing, active, energetic ,positive, generous man with a healthy sense of humor who is rediscovering all that life has to offer .I am a Fun loving, humble man with the believe that a woman should be treated like a lady and that it is always ladies first. I am a Fund Manager that loves my work the way I love to enjoy life. I am fun to be with and can be very romantic. I am positive on everything that life brings me. I believe that I am where I am at this point in my life for a good reason. I am an honest and caring person who is very loyal to those I care about. I've traveled extensively in the course of doing my work. I am financially very okay. I consider myself to be a gentleman with good values. I am equally comfortable in a suit and tie as well as a pair of jeans. I am neat and clean in my living and my appearance. I enjoy nice things


I am so happy to have come across you and i know that that you would want us to take this relationship slowly but I will try to be positive and consistent. I know you will not see me as moving fast as have come to understand that I will need a serious relationship in my life.


I was so excited when I read your profile; I really need a lady that is passionate and caring. Some one that is ready to spend the rest of her life with me. Someone that can accept me with my joking attitude, people say that I play with everything except my work. But what they did not know is that I can play with my work but not with my relationship or someone that I love .That is what I know that I can’t play with. This is why I prefer people that will appreciate my humorous attitude. I am fun to be with and believe in the saying, ‘the older the wine, the better” so I don’t believe in age being a hindrance in a relationship. Let ’s talk and get to know more about ourselves better.


I like seeing soccer, movies and listening to music. I like going to the beach and climbing mountains. Though I have only climbed once at Dublin . Am currently attached to Diamond Bond Investment as a Senior Consultant Fund Manager, but would want to be self employed in near future. I am a trained educationist and learnt the Fund Management trade under Robert Kiyosaki. I worked with him for seven years speaking on investing, fund management and teaching on how to benefit from the content of his three major books, Rich Dad Poor Dad, Rich Dad's CASHFLOW Quadrant, and Rich Dad's Guide to Investing. It was while on a tour with him to Aberdeen Scotland that I was made on offer by Diamond Bond Investment. I worked with them for 6 years before I return to United States and now work as a Consultant Fund Manager.

 I really can’t wait to be happy again forever. It has been a very long while since I tasted relationship and love. I pray that this comes out well as I am ready to give my all for this relationship. I can create all the time in the world to make it work as my job is not too demanding. .You will never regret meeting me, my late wife never did, so you will not. I promise!!!


Regards

William

Intoducing Camille Toe.

And so was born Camille Toe (all kudos to Twanky for that one!) This is her first email to Williams. Long may it continue.

Hello Williams

I am replying to your message on the dating site.

My profile doesn't really say a lot about me so I shall tell you more now.

My name is Camille and I am 44. I am widowed, have no children and live in England in a small village called Cockin near the River Mianus,  or Cockin-Mianus as most people call it. I have my own business and live a comfortable life here. My life has been filled with untold tragedy but my faith keeps me strong.

I am looking to meet a nice genuine man who can love me and take care of me.

Could that be you Williams?

Best wishes

Camille x

   

Pictures of Williams

These are the pictures Williams has on his profile.

Williams dating profile - he walks into things!

This is the information that Williams has on his dating profile. 

My self-summary

Every day I wake up thrilled that people pay me to do the thing I love. my work fits really well with my easygoing attitude and gives me the flexibility to do what I want. So what do I do when I am not working Well, sight seeing is one of my greatest thrills it gives me the feeling of working with nature to push myself beyond my limits. I also love just taking off in the car and going exploring. Unfortunately I am an awful navigator, but that leads to all sorts of adventures. I guess my life is kind of like an episode of the Muppet show and I would be gonzo: always on a new quest, pushing my imagination to the limits, and occasionally walking into things. 
 

It also states that he is 48,  white, a christian, has a degree, a child and a dog. He speaks ok French and fluent English. Could have fooled me!

Williams the mechanical engineer!

If I needed any more proof that he is a scammer .................



 yes i stay in Texas, i have been to UK many times its no big deal, i have been to 4different cities in UK on business.

let me introduce myself again my name is Williams im a mechanical engineer by profession but im a licensed Nissan agent ..i live in Henrietta Texas .. i have a daughter who is 8years old.. Am Here looking for A nice A Lovely relationship.. i would love to know more about you too okay ...please im new on this site and i don't always come on the site i will like you to give me your email so i can write you directly..my email is ************@*********.com .
God Bless You ..

A reply from me.

Satisfied that he is indeed a scammer, I send a brief message about his location and mine.


I am in the UK so much too far away! You are in the USA yes? 

A second message from Williams

This message really did confirm that he is indeed a scammer. The poor grasp of the language and bad grammar are a sure fire give away. It is also very formulaic.


where do you stay ?

In life distance is not a barrier if you care and love some one, for someone like me i love traveling, we can be good friends in the near feature and as time gets we i get to talk to you more and know you often i can always come to see you often..

My initial reply to Williams.

I suspected a scammer but you can never be sure so it seemed rude not to reply!

Hi Williams

Thank you for the lovely message. Unfortunatley you are many thousands of miles away and I am looking for someone rather closer to home!

Good luck with your search xx

A first message from Williams.

This was the initial message I received from Williams on the dating site. Seems legit!


Hello .. How are you doing? my name is Williams.. .i just stopped by to say hello, i almost exhausted all my time looking at your pics,i must confess you are gorgeous and charming i really wish to know more About you , if you don't mind , it would be more than nice just to Read from you back. stay blessed.... Williams Moore.