I simply had to tell Williams that his comments about water speaking to your soul had left me in tears because my beloved husband, Alphonse had died in a (frozen) watery grave. I wonder if he will objcet to my wealth being as the result of ill gotten gains?
Good morning Williams
Many thanks for your wonderful message.
Your words speak to me in a way no one else's ever have. You are so
poetic and romantic and it makes me very happy. I was slightly upset
when I read about how water can speak to your soul. In fact, it made me
cry. Please let me explain.
Williams, I was married once upon a
time. Yes, it was like a fairy tale, a beautiful one at first but then
it sadly morphed into something that the Brothers Grimm would have been
proud to have written. Myself and Alphonse (my late husband) met when we
were just 16. It was a whirlwind romance, consummated on the back of a
number 37 bus to Barnsley after a trip to see his probation officer. 6
months later he proposed to me by hiding an engagement ring in a Greggs
sausage roll. I broke a tooth and almost choked but it has to be the
most romantic and thoughtful act I have ever experienced.
Anyway,
2 years later we eventually married and set up home together. All was
well. I had a job in the local Poundshop and Alphonse was working nights
as a security guard. Life was good for us Williams. When I first met
Alphonse, he had been in trouble with the police for a few petty crimes,
nothing serious really (flashing his bum at the local Mayor during the
Xmas lights switch on and being drunk in charge of a horse on a public
highway) and to me it didn't matter as I loved him. As well as our jobs,
we both pursued our own hobbies, his fishing and mine making miniature
guitars out of matchboxes and dental floss. The years passed and sadly
we weren't blessed with any children. Maybe this was a good thing as I
do tend to find the majority of the irritating little creatures rather
vile. I noticed that Alphonse was rather generous with his money, buying
me expensive presents and always being the first to buy a round at our
local pub The Fadge and Finger. I didn't question it as even though I
had a niggling worry in the back of my head that something wasn't quite
right, I liked being spoiled and the extra money always came in handy
for buying more vintage matchboxes.
One cold, December night he
set off to work as usual. I had decided to spend the evening attempting
to make a ukulele out of an Asda safety matches box whilst listening to
the local radio. Later on that evening, a news report came on saying that
the local bullion store where Alphonse was the guard had been raided
with a vast sum of gold being stolen. I was terrified! What if he had
been injured or even worse, killed? I called his phone and he told me
not to worry, that he was fine if a little shaken. I was so relieved! He returned home later that night much to my relief.
The
next morning he told me he was off fishing and that he had bought me a
special present so I was not to look in the spare room or it would
spoil the surprise. Alphonse had recently been experimenting with
noodling ( the art of catching fish with your bare hands) but I hoped,
as it was so so cold, that he wouldn't be jumping in the river to try
and ram his fist down a fishes neck that day. I packed him up with a
flask of soup and a wagon wheel and sent him on his way. I toddled off
to my job at the Poundshop for a day of stacking Jim'll fix it badge
soap on a roaps and Gary Glitter Xmas Bonanza CD's and looked forward to
Alphonse giving me my surprise present that evening.
Evening
came and no Alphonse! I called his phone but got no reply. This was odd
as always answered, even when driving (even the incident with the
lollipop man and the small 'bump' into the crowd of children didn't stop
him). Time got later and later with no response so I called the local
police to report him missing. They said they would have to leave it at
least 24 hours before classing him as a missing person and that he would
probably turn up drunk at some point (they had picked up him on several
occasions for drunk and disorderly in the past). I went to bed and
slept fitfully, hoping he would come home soon. Morning came and still
no Alphonse. I was just about to call the police again when there was a
knock at the door. Two officers stood there, heads bowed and I instantly
knew it was bad news. They told me that they had received a call from a
member of the public who had spotted something just under the surface
of the now frozen river where Alphonse had been fishing. On further
investigation they found my beloved Alphonse, frozen, elbow deep in a
large Bighead Carp (which in itself was odd as they are native to China),
staring up from the frozen river like Ötzi The Iceman. He was dead.
His
body couldn't be removed for several days as the weather took a turn
for the worse and the ice became impossible to break. When he was
eventually recovered, the kind police gave me the fish which I now have
stuffed and mounted on the wall in my living room as a final tribute to
my darling Alphonse.
I had almost forgotten about my surprise
present lurking in the spare room and came across it whilst looking for
my spare supplies of dental floss some weeks later. Under the bed was a
large black hold all, heavy in weight. I dragged it out, opened it, and
to my surprise, found it was full off stolen gold bullion. My darling
Alphonse had been robbing the people he was working for, hence the extra
cash he had been splashing around. I know I should have reported this to
the police but he was dead so there was not a lot they could do now was
there? I felt like he was looking down over me from heaven saying to me
"Camille my darling, use the money to make your life better." I got
down on my knees and prayed and the Lord God sent me a message saying
"Camille, sell the gold on the black market and use the money to be
happy. " So I did! I got a good price for it and set myself up in business.
I do so miss my darling Alphonse but the wealth and happiness his misdemeanour has brought me is immense. I
am now ready to move on with my life and share my love and good fortune
with a special person. I wonder Williams, could that be you?
Much love
Camille x x x x
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